MUMBAI, July 29, 2003:
"ARRRGHHH.. So much noise this..!!" He thought to himself. "STOP IT!! SHUTTT UPPP!! FOR GOD'S SAKE SHUTTTT UPPP!!!!".
He grabbed his slightly wrinkled temple with both hands. He opened his eyes and looked around. Nothing seem to move, except for swiftly growing traffic across the street. He stood there still at his regular bus stop. A street dog by his feet calm in his own senses. And some fluttering pigeons atop the Bus Stop Pole. He looked at the traffic. checked his watch then patted nervously at his right trouser pocket. His shirt looked shabbily tucked in and that bag was oh so big for him, but not as big as his burdens. Then he took an abrupt half turn and gave a long star at the medical store far behind.
Wooooshhhhh. A bus came to a screaching halt. He put a foot forward and then stopped in his tracks. few people by the window stared at him. 'ting.. ting..' The conductor signaled, and bus left. He stood there. paced around himself, clenched his fists and headed for the store.
His eyes were grim and heart heavy. He held the forged prescription in his hand and as he reached the medical store, he stopped short by a foot or two. looked around and then handed over the prescription to the store guy. He looked at it for a moment, and then raised his brows seeing a man of a tender age of late 20s purchasing sleeping pills. But the prescription was very reassuring, (his long hours in DTP tutorials had paid off.) so he quickly handed over the bottle. '275 Rs' said the store owner after rotating the bottle a few times for price tag. He paid the amount, pocketed the bottle and left. The prescription note he was carrying fell off the counter and slipped under the hoardings outside the store. The only note he carried that day!
While on his way back. He saw another bus again, same route. He looked up, but today he was in no hurry. He went about at his own pace. He missed out on this bus as well. He reached the stop, sat on the bench and placed his bag besides him. He sat there waiting. Looked up high in the sky, some eagles soaring high (as high as his dreams). A bunch of friends having some evening fun and right behind them a couple in their mid thirties out for a evening stroll. He sat back straight. The bus was taking bit too long. Even the dog by his feet started murmuring at the delay.
Finally the bus arrived, he waved his hand to stop the bus. The bus stopped right in front of him. He climbed up, took a right turn and crashed into the last window seat. conductor came in asking for ticket, he waved from a distance and mouthing "pass hai!!" (I got the pass). So the conductor went back to his place.
The bus was slowly moving through traffic, he was staring at the shops and cafes, some of which held some dear memories of his youth. Now they mocked him bringing him disgrace, he thought of his family that he left behind in Gurgaon, and of-course the unmentionable. Meanwhile his fingers kept toying with the bottle.
When the bus halted for its due stop, a sea of people flooded the bus. He stared down at the bottle. He could see a P. C. O. besides the bus stop. He thought of making a final call, but then he shrugged it. He knew nobody would be there on the receiving end. Then he thought of a note. But then again, what for?? I will always remain to be a coward. A coward who quit on this world.
He knew, there was no point in all this. He had had enough of these arguments, he couldn't convince anyone anymore, he couldn't make things right, and even if he tried to, they won't bother to buy his opinion, they just didn't care, even if he died today, to them he would always be a coward. A looser! So be it! He knew no one was there to step forward and give him that tight embrace and melt all those stony bitter parts of his soul. To show him light to bring him hope.
He opened the cap partially. There were too many who could have seen him doing it. But he thought of them as too busy in there daily motions that they would ignore him. He thought he would act asleep and fool everyone.
And in one go, he opened the bottle and gulped all the pills. And leaned his head sideways onto the window, and he felt he was setting free, heading home, he felt as if he had his solace.
And just then Kaaabbbbbbooooooooommmmmm!! a loud blistering noise broke through. Everything went into time warp!! He could feel his head slowly rocking back and then hit by shattered rods, sharp piercing debris hit his body. penetrating his body right through. The whole bus was busted open. Bodies flying over, windows in the vicinity wrecked open. and there was a huge cloud of smoke covering the site and within all this chaos was his body! at ease, at peace.
Next day morning, the newspaper read-
"48 VICTIMS FELL TO THE TERRORIST BOMB ATTACKS, 4 STILL UNIDENTIFIED"
Yes! he was among them, he was a victim, but a victim of what? it never surfaced. It got crushed beneath that debris. But now, all this didn't matter to him though. He was home!
-V. V. Talavanekar
